Sadness overcomes.

I am sitting here at my desk in San Francisco feeling very sad. Lonely may be a better word it. I had breakfast with Tomas at Roccos’ – an italian joint I frequent for brunch – proceeded by delivering biscuits to Daniel. I needed some aspirin as I was almost out so went to Target to get some. Tomas wanted Pokemon cards (eye-roll) so he tagged along. Went by Willows to get a beer after, kinda chugged it I think, meh it was an escape. Then went back to Target to return the Pokemon cards as he got a starter pack rather than the Booster packs he wanted. Got home and sat at my desk, staring at the blue sky all afternoon wondering why I felt so empty inside. I longed for attention from my Fiance but she is in her own world I guess and I’m not a part of it while I’m out in SF. Though to be truthful when I’m in SF she is too busy to really pay me much mind but a call in the evenings after shes about to go to bed. I feel neurotic for being bothered by it but I want more attention. I work most of the time to feel a sense of purpose this is what gives me the resources to care for our family. I finish and wonder why I’m doing it for what and for whom. Lonely. I ask her whats up and she says most of the time, “not up to much”. Or shes watching the same show over-and-over and scrolling Facebook on her phone theres very little curiosity and attempts to share a mental headspace with me. She is on another plane of existence. I feel so alone. She took care of me after heart surgery and that was wonderful how much she paid attention to me and cared for me. So lonley now. School takes so much of her attention and her child. I am not part of that, as much as she pretends I am she does what she thinks and might tell me about it but rarely solicits or takes my advice. Headstrong and easily offended. I am the other half to a single mom.